Jun 19
Wild Goose Chase
My Mum once sent me on a wild goose chase. Of course, I didn’t know that was her intention at the time, I was only pissed that I had to stop what I was doing to run the errand. Can’t remember what it was I was doing now but it must have been something naughty and noisy. But I consoled myself with the fact that I was going to be back soon.
If only I knew.
She had told me to go to her friend, Iya Moshe, to collect an ‘object’ [so i thought] called ‘arodan’. When I got to Iya Moshe’s house, she told me that she had just given hers to Iya Tinuke and that I should wait a while for it to be returned. I had waited about an hour and a half before she said I should go and meet Iya Femi for her own. Iya Femi said she had given hers to her sister a few days earlier and that I should meet Iya Yahya.
I returned home after about 2 hours, no ‘arodan’ in hand and too tired to return to what I was doing earlier-mission accomplished! I got to know the real meaning of ‘arodan’ a few days later and didn’t find it funny at all that I had been conned by a group of people I should trust without question.
The reason for the ‘Mums gang-up’ became clearer as I grew older but I started to appreciate what they did more when I became a parent. My son is 21months old but believe me there have been times that I wished he was old enough to be sent to my neighbors to collect ‘arodan’ so I could have some peace and quiet in the house. But it recently occurred to me that the boy’s age might not be the only constraint in my employing this ‘wonderful’ piece of traditional intelligence. Will my neighbor understand what ‘arodan’ means? Can I even send my son to people I hardly know? Back in the days, everyone knew everyone. It was one big ‘family-community’. My father used to say that ‘a woman gives birth to a child, but it takes the entire community to raise that child properly’.
Now you could go for months without seeing your neighbor. A colleague of mine was once asked by his neighbor what he was doing trying to open his own door. Imagine being accused of trying to break into your own home. But this is common place these days.
This is not the African way but what does one do in the light of today’s economic realities. Fathers leave their homes in the mornings before dawn and return late after dusk. The only time they see their neighbors is when they want to ask them to move their cars so they can drive out of the compound.
I am not even going to talk about how parents hardly spend quality time with their children these days. I try to spend at least one hour with my son in the mornings before rushing off to work but is that even enough. Yesterday I rushed home from work and got home before dusk. As I raced home, I hoped my son would still be awake so we could spend some father-son time together. I met him awake quite alright but he was asleep a few minutes after that. But I was glad he saw me before he fell asleep.
I keep asking myself; how am I going to pass to this boy all the things my father taught me if I don’t even see him. How and when will I teach him that he shouldn’t pick and eat food that has fallen to the ground because the devil would have tasted it just to prevent him from picking food from the ground; that he should always eat sitting and not standing because if he stands the food will go to his legs? How will I use all the ‘traditional intelligence’ that my parents passed on to me to help raise this boy properly?
Is there even a place for such intelligence in today’s world? Am I holding on to the past?
Am I rambling?
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For starters, i am glad to know that you feel a sense of responsibility towards your boy -Some silly young Dads don’t!!!.
However, as a busy father, the key to overcoming this challenge is to savor every moment you have to spend with your kid. And the truth be told, i believe you can create even more time. This will inevitably translate to making some sacrifices here and there. Essentially, support your efforts with prayers.
If you want your child to turn out right, then the obligation lies on YOU, not his CLASS TEACHER, not NEIGHBOURS, not his FRIENDS… But on YOU to train him in the way to go.
All the best dear one.
I remember when I just got into boarding house. One of the seniors asked me to go and collect Arodan ( they told me it meant ‘drawing board”!). I was sent round 4 different house blocks looking for the elusive arodan. finally I was sent to one of my school mother’s school sisters who finally rescued me!
there is also the book “My journey shall never end” and “Endless journey” that send u on the same journey, lol!
HMM, u echoed my thoughts oh. really considering resigning and taking up a less “challenging” job. i want to be a good mother!
i hope and pray i am one sha.
Hey, send ur son over i understand it perfectly!
I remember arodan very well. Lol @ Bumight’s ‘my journey shall never end’ Epe ni won se fun omo na o (jokingly: they are cursing that child) lol!
Unfortunately as you pointed out, arodan will probably die with our generation. We can’t have kids running around anymore. The world sadly don open eye. On the plus side who knows how many children are now less exposed to perverts hidden under the ‘community system’?
Hmmm you aint hoding on to the past without havign a reason to. And u weren’t rambling. I know this “arodan” thing to wel too.
You r a great parent for worrying abt bonding with ur child. I know you will still find a better way to fulfil ur role with him.
“Traditional intelligence” might be gone but we can still use our own “modern intelligence”. Think about it.
And I still cant understand why we have all become strangers to each other in today’s word except in blogville. We need help fast
no, you’re not rambling.
maybe one possible solution could be “steal” any moment possible. those few minutes b4 he sleeps, dropping him off at school (when he starts school) on ur way to work instead of having the driver do it. i guess those tiny minutes here & there add up
You’re definitely not rambling. I can imagine that raising kids aint as easy as it used to be o but whatever method you can employ now, do it. It might not be traditional intelligence because everybody don start to dey open eye but I’m sure you can remix that trado intelligence with something more modern and still get the desired effect.
LOL sha…I remember all the things they scared me off growing up. ‘Don’t swallow orange seeds or else a tree will grow out of your head’
You’re not rambling at all oo…it’s definitely something to consider before having children.
But do you really think these things can be changed? With the way the world is going right now, I think it’s going to be even harder for parents to spend enough quality time with their children without one of those parents sacrificing their career.
Hi, I dont have a child yet so maybe I’m not qualified to give advice but I dont think it’s a good idea telling your child not to pick food from the floor becuase ‘the Devil has tasted it’ In this day and age. I think it’s just better to tell him it could have become contaminated and make him fall ill.
Na wa o abi.
When will you be able to tell your child not to stretch hand out to collect rain water because his hands may become paralysed.
I used to think things were better in Nigeria as in the community feeling and stuff. But reading different posts from naija bloggers have convinced me otherwise.
Savour each moment and make it as meaningful as possible.
as a proud father i echo your sentiments as well. well written. the world as it gains more technology and all that crap we are rapidly losing our beliefs, culture and traditional folklore. it is so sad.
mr ahmed you will spend the next 3 weeks explaining what contaminated means! hence the traditional yarns….its easier for children to understand, not grammar
holding unto the past, i’m definitely going to use tons of Nigerian traditional intelligence on my kids…it is quite obvious that the western way of raising children is not the best…my opinion & i’m sticking to it LOL…yea really
This is not rambling bond dudu, u have hit a raw nerve! I think about all these things (and i’m not even married!)
i experienced the “arodan” thing as well, albeit in boarding house and i also did it to my juniors. I havent heard of it in a while though.
*sighs deeply*
You have made me smile with nostalgia this afternoon. Because of this accursed Arodan I once went missing from the house for almost five hours. It was sort of a Holy Grail for me and I was determined to find it no matter what. My mother was sick with worry but that story is for another day.
Today’s world does not allow for great parenting. Most Dads and mums these days are little more than weekend parents. Even on those weekends sef, the travails of the week mean that you are extremely limited in the strength you will have to play with your kids. However, you have one thing that many other people lack and that is a genuine desire. Once you have that, the time will avail itself to you. Continue to find that time my guy.
Oga you aren’t rambling, every father should think like this. Growing up i hardly saw my daddy. In Yankee he was always working to provide us everything he never had as a kid. In naija, well we were in port harcourt and he was in yankee working.
I’ve not met my neighbors and I’ve been living in the same place for over a year. I hear their stupid dogs sha. First part of your post reminds me of when i was growing up in naija, i remember the days when our neighbor would beat my brothers and i for acting a fool and my mom would thank him and beat us some more.
u aiint rambling…………..
u need to be outta the home so ur little one can have the
things you wished for?not so?
playing with him for about 5-10 mins WILL tire him out
and he WILL sleep-cos sometymes when kids are kept immobile
for a while they fall asleep
when he gets older……..telling him 5 minutes of quiet
will earn him a treat MIGHT keep him quiet for a while
finding stuff that interest him might keep him quite
i love to be around energetic kids
i know they can be a bother-but seriously
how much energy does a 2yr old have?????
when u can manage it-tire him out
you will both enjoy the exercise
remember those love handles?????
and you ARE bonding
arodan is a story he will hear and appreciate
maybe wish he had experienced……….
but we all need to make sacrifices
just cos your 2year old doesnt see you
every hour of the day
doesnt mean he will not grow up with your ideals
or that yoU will not pass onto him what you wish you can
cos………..the little tyme you spend with him
is enuff tyme for him to learn from you
AND emulate you
remember
what we love ………….
we grow to resemble…………
wow!!!…I love it..ahh I rememebr the errand thing..like omigosh!!!..I dont live in NiGERIA so i feel your pain.here your neighbours dotn even know you. We have lived enxt to the same people for 6yrs and I can count how many times we have spoken to them. its quite disheartening. your not rambling my brother. I will try my best when I ahve children to instill these traditions in them. they will learn ooo!!..I dont care how. Your a good father already for thinking about all of this. Am sure with time you would figure out how to balance work and amily time.
You be correct Papa.
How u dey?
hmm.. Arodan days - boarding house life…
You are a good father. Not very father thinks like this - they think their job as one stops when they bring the bacon to the table and clothe the family.
LOL.
The bit about food going down to my legs if I stand and it still cracks me up no matter how many times I hear it. Lol. I only learned about arodan when I was in secondary school in Iyana Offa. God knows I couldn’t till I was ’senior enough’ to use it on some unsuspecting junior.
I definitely appreciate the nigerian intelligence I grew up on, and would love to pass that on to my kids. It’s great that there are still men that care. About picking food from the floor, just pray that your son doesn’t learn about the 3-sec rule before you teach him about the devil’s taste. lol.
…i think atutu said it…you have genuine desire, which is more than most others can say…that and the memories you have from your childhood will push you to be the best daddy you can be, even in these changing times…
…sorry about the loss of your comrade…
Awww bless you…
I wish ‘arodan’ would not die, its like a legend, we gotta figure out something that would serve the same purpose. lol! You’re a good dad, its so hard to get a balance with everything these days. You already have the most important ingredient though, the zeal to want to be the best possible dad, i’m sure you’d figure it out, you’d be fine.
How’s work? And the Mrs?
u r totally on point!
You are a good father.How many fathers look forward to spending time with their children? 5 mins may not be much but keep at it.You will reap the rewards later.And i support the tradition stuff.Kids learn in simple terms and stories.They believe easily,their minds are so plain.Some i heard stayed with me till adult age e.g when u lose a tooth,a lizard must not see it,if not it won’t grow again.That arodan thing eh,in boarding school,it was a book titled “never ending journey”.It wasn’t funny back then.
BJB u r not rambling oh. Those are the same questions I ask myself as I prepare for marital life.
I have been processing thoughts in my head of getting a job close to home, but how possible is that these days???
may God give us the wisdom we need to bring up our kids in this century. Amen.
N howz lil James Bond?
Man, this was a good post. Not to suggest your other ones aren’t good, but this one spoke to me, you know? I feel you on finding time to teach our children. I gave up law so that I could teach my children to say “pele” when someone sneezes and ensure that they don’t learn what it means to be a good and responsible person from people I don’t know.
Well, my brother, everyone’s path is different, so all I will say is that the mere fact that you are cognizant of the challenges you face will go a long way in your raising an incredible young man. I know that you and your wife will do the best and it will be successful. Best of luck and God bless.
Thanks Guys for ur comments! Its good to know we are all concerned about this very important issue. May God grant us all the wisdom to raise Godly and responsible children.
The Lord ll direct U
Baba nothing do you oh! you are being wise and critical of the way you are bringing up your child. its sad morals have declined geometrically but as my mother would say ‘its God that raises children’
as per the Arodan thing if na me dem do i for vex pass vesper
No, you aren’t rambling…
I have friends that are very close to me and I will send them over there for the… arodan..
Yep, things were different in those days…
but errrrrmmmm what exactly is it you want to do that you need to send the kid out???
Cos something tells me its not just the peace and quiet you seek!!!
no u are not rambling!
lol i have heard gist abt this whole arodan thingy!!!thank God momsie never tried it on me o
Is there a place for traditional intelligence in today’s society? Good question. Yesterday, while driving back home with a couple of friends, I got into this huge discussion about how parents have a huge responsibility towards how their children will turn out (and their children’s morals and values). It’s so shocking the amount of responsibility…
Even with the amount of work load our diverse careers dish out to us, we must find that “time” to bond and nurture…it’s quite hard. But there isn’t a single way to do this…
Rambling ke? Far from it…‘traditional intelligence’, how did you come up with that? Simply genius…my mum and I have been doubling over in laughter at your ‘arodan’ story…I remember vividly too. Shame the world has disintegrated so much that such ‘traditional intelligence’ may no longer be relevant.
hmmmm “ARODAN” I have heared of it before. Itis a pity our culture is fading out. It Is all due to changes in the society. Families tend to be privatised these days hence less social integration and extended family network.
u yarn am correct, ma broda
*trying to imitate aloofar’s method of giving 1 lined (@ best, 2 lined comments)*
hahahahaha lovely post.
How have u been by the way?
You are very correct. Some parents wonder why their child are suddenly uncontrollable.. they tend to forget that they did not take time to raie the child properly. It’s important that we all make money but the school is not responsible for proper upbringing of a child. Parents need to buckle up and spend time with their children because the effect is all in the future…
Hope your kid is doing gr8
No, you’re not rambling. I understand what you mean and its not unique to you. I guess you can make the most of the moments you have together, or play the lottery and hope for a wonderfully big break so you can retire early:D
Black007, u’re not rambling. Its food for thought.
Parenting is not an easy task. This reminds me of when my then six year old cousin asked me if I thought her dad didn’t care about her cos he never attended any of her school games.
Honestly, it was so touching… I didn’t even know what to say to her.
I told her dad and he felt so bad. I guess he didn’t realise how much it meant to his daughter. He resolved to always attend her school games and now they’ve got this really strong bond.
U’re such a good dad. Keep it up!
May God give us the wisdom to raise our kids properly.
Ok…I will shamefully say I have no idea, never heard of, or experienced this ‘arodan’ ever in my life before.
You seem to be a great daddy 007. Our prayer should be that God gives us the grace to take care of these jewels He has entrusted in our care. My jewel is about 2 and a half years old now. Of recent, sleep has been stolen from everyone’s eyes at night…I end up taking zzzzzs at work and it aint funny at all. But all in all, I always look forward to getting home on time…9pm…by which time she is already fast asleep.
I look at this angelic face and smile at her when she is asleep and pray God gives me the grace to do it right.
I believe God will make us great parents…whatever the circumstance.
Take care ok!
na civilization dey make us lose all these things
lol…I was a victim of the ‘arodan’ thing.
Traditional intelligence is funny but I wanna make sure it doesnt get into my own kid because there’s so much myopic idealism behind its conception…
Dont worry, you’ll do the right thing as a Dad, as long as you know that which you know u shouldnt do.
wish you the best as a new dad bro!
I’m still laughing @ your mother sending you on a wild goose chase. I’d love to do that 2 my husband — errr, I mean son. LOL.
Awwwww
Im really touched by this
In today’s world, father’s are a rare thing. Father’s that want to right, are even harder to come by. It makes me smile, whenever I hear, see, read about a man trying his best to pass some morals on to his children. I smile even harder when its a black man. Keep up the good work!
PS: I had never heard of this ”arodun” thing b4 reading this post oh…
.,..’tis amazing how in our time, we were raised via community living (neighbours could pass for our parents) but, these days…it seems right not to know your neighbours (we don’t even know their names not to talk of living communally) yet still, in blogsville, our generation seem to have recreated community living.
U been tagged double o!!
aww gud 1!! BJB is a good dadee!!!
been MIA from here for ages! lost the link or sumin..have i reminded youthat i luv this blog??
we have unveiled 2008 blogville idol contestants check out the page to know when the competition starts and for more details and pls make sure u participate by listening and voting for your favorite contestant…pls stop by d page and show us some love!tanx
BLACK JAMES BOND… PLEASE UPDATE!! SORRY I’M TYPING WITH UPPER CASE LETTERS. I’M NOT SHOUTING OH. I’M JUST LAZY TO PRESS THE BUTTON. IN ALL THE TIME I’M BUSY TYPING THIS, I COULD HAVE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON BUT I DON’T WANNA! lol (oops, I mistakenly pressed the button)
LOL…
There is a variant of the sort of thing in my place.. am trying to remember what its called. Am thinking about what you said about Traditional intelligence…. I will get back to you.. expect a thesis!
No you are not rambling, 007.
I never heard of arodan until now.
Nice one.
e don tay wey you drop post. abeg answer people oh.
hope say you never pai!
yes o, i feel u o, ure not over-reacting o….i wonder all these things too o…..God WILL HELP US