I will always remember Benjamin Anyaeji.

I will remember him because he was great, eccentric and weird. He was great because he was a fantastic principal- he brought order to Eko Boys High School and banished the spirit of Equatorial Boys High School[ a rogue and rebellious movement within Eko Boys High School] away from our school- a feat many thought was impossible.

He was eccentric for using all means necessary to ensure teachers attended their classes instead of gossiping in the staff room during class hours. There were times he chased them out of the staff room with his trade mark cane. That used to make us laugh. The teachers didn’t find it funny though and they ensured we didn’t laugh for long either.

I thought him weird because he had some sayings and practices which my young mind couldn’t understand back then. He would say “Mondays and Thursdays are for Jesus, Tuesdays and Fridays for Mohammed but Wednesdays are for Benjamin Anyaeji”. Thus we had Christian Devotion on Mondays and Thursdays and Moslem Devotion on Tuesdays and Fridays. Wednesdays, we had Benjamin Anyaeji. He spoke on several topics but I really can’t remember any of them save for this one day when he brought a pair of sun-glasses to the assembly ground and used them to speak on perspectives. I remember him saying that how we view life generally depends on what we view it through.

If you met him in those days, you were likely to remember three things about him:

The first was his voice. He had a commanding deep baritone voice.

The second was his accent- rich Igbo accent. I still mimic him till today.

The third thing was his trade-mark cane. He never went anywhere within the school compound without a cane. And by cane I do not mean a walking cane or stick. No. I am talking about those 6ft long devils that kiss you at that point on your back you could never reach even if you were the most flexible person on earth.

Benjamin Anyaeji was a disciplinarian. He didn’t suffer fools. If you got on his wrong side, he had just three words for you- “On the floor”- followed immediately by six strokes of his cane. If you made him say more than three words, then you got more strokes. I should have remembered this the day he caught me in some foolishness.

Let me tell you the story.

Do you remember WWF’s Wrestlemania? If you were like me, in those days, you would have been nuts about WWF’s Wrestlemania too. Most kids my age were. We were crazy about Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ultimate Warrior; The Hart Foundation… the list goes on. However, while many left their love for wrestling at home, I took mine with me to school. I was Hulk Hogan. I wanted to be Hulk Hogan. I walked like him, moved like him and even fought like him whenever Hassan [my classmate] and I role-played during break time. And I was always beating Hassan, irrespective of whom he chose to play and that felt good until Hulk Hogan lost to Ultmate Warrior in Wrestlemania VI.

Hassan had ‘challenged’ me before break time that fateful day but I was a bit reluctant to fight him because he wanted to be Ultimate Warrior that day and since Hulk Hogan had just lost to the Ultimate Warrior in real life, and because I knew the class would not expect anything different and I wasn’t ready to lose just yet. When eventually I agreed to fight, I told myself I was going to delay the ‘defeat’ as long as I could.

The fight started during break time with the usual pomp and pageantry of a typical Wrestlemania match. The ‘announcer’ first introduced the challenger and then the champion-me. Naturally, I took my time to come out, acting like the Hulkster, with my hand to my ears when the people were shouting Hulk Hogan’s theme song- the Real American.

Ten minutes into the match, Hassan and I had exhausted all our moves and everybody was now waiting for the final move that would end the match. But I wasn’t ready to give in just yet. Hassan [Ultimate Warrior] made his trademark winning move and the referee started the count out but before he got to three, I started the usual Hulk Hogan come back move. Hassan started to hit me but like the Hulkster used to act whenever he was about to change the mood of a match, I started to act like I couldn’t feel the impact of the punches. At that point the class went crazy. Break time was over but nobody seemed to mind. The noise attracted people from other classes but it also attracted Ben Anyaeji.

Hassan and I didn’t know when Ben Anyaeji got to our class room window but we knew something was wrong when the classroom went deadly quiet all of a sudden.

Ben Anyaeji: On the floor

Me: Sorry Sir

Ben Anyaeji: [With very rich Igbo accent] Am not your father o. Your mates are married in the village and you are here wasting time. On the floor!

That day, I landed on the floor and stayed there longer than I should. For the countless number of strokes I got that day, I would never ever forget Benjamin Anyaeji.

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When we met, I lived in a house with painted floors

But you lived in an apartment with Sliding doors

Yours were the first sliding doors I ever saw

You would come out of your apartment everyday at 4p.m

You would be quiet at first but once you started talking, you didn’t stop till 10p.m

We had so much fun together

Our time interrupted only so I could eat my ewa.

My Mum said the legume would make me grow taller

In the end, it only made my visits to the loo longer

As I grew older, the bond between us grew stronger

You taught me so much.

You took me places and through you I met different faces

How can I ever forget Sesame Street?

There, learning was a treat

That’s where you took me so I could learn to speak English,

Far beyond the level of Araromi Street.

You also took me places I shouldn’t have gone to

But thinking about it now, I wonder, who would I have turned to

When the girl next door came calling

For this reason and more, some called you evil

But to me, you were simply magical.

You showed me the world in a different light

Through you I met many cool role models and super heroes;

Spotting abilities that made others look like minnows

With the exception of my Daddy of course. My Daddy could take them all.

Or so I thought

My father wanted me to be a doctor, but the more time I spent with you,

The more I knew the only thing I wanted to be was Spiderman.

But that didn’t last for long coz after that I wanted to be a fireman,

Then a policeman, until I realized I was no Superman

Who would have thought I would end up behind a desk

Life happens! I said

These days our time together have become scheduled

But still you never fail to excite me

Last night you told me about a man throwing shoes at another man

It was funny. But it was also sad.

It made me contemplate how quickly relationships can change

How quickly one can fall from grace to grass

But that’s not the only relationship I am contemplating this morning

Ours is one that has changed so much over the years too

Whilst I have moved from my house with painted floors to one with gated doors

You have also moved from behind sliding doors to painted walls

Back in the days, stay a few more hours, I used to pray

These days you are always ready to play.

Now we hardly spend time together,

if it’s not Work,

Then it’s NEPA,

And whenever I put on my generator, so we could spend some quality time together,

Your newest friend in my house starts to SCREAM:

I want to watch Barney!

You seem to enjoy spending more time with him than me,

But I don’t mind.

I ape you not

I know what wonderful adventures lay ahead of him

But I am afraid even that relationship will not be rosy forever

Girls, Parents, School, Work and later, Life, will come between you and him

But you will survive

And so will he.

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