How do we judge intelligence in Nigeria? I have found out over the years that the more a child can cram, the more intelligent he seems. The more a child can regurgitate what he’s heard or taught, the more brilliant he is. I believe some people call this learning by rote. Just repeat exactly what the teacher says and you are a good student.

Children in kindergarten and nursery schools are adjudged brilliant if they can ‘chant’ their ABCs, sing ‘A for Apple’ from Apple to Zebra ;and memorize and repeat their multiplication tables when they are asked to. You were considered ‘hot’ in secondary and primary school if you could repeat, word for word’ what the teacher gave in his notes. It didn’t matter if you didn’t understand any of it.

How many people out there can relate to this scenario? You finish a paper in the university and a few days after that someone asks you a question on the same course and you couldn’t answer. And that doesn’t mean that you still wouldn’t get an A in that course! I am not an expert on teaching techniques but i am not sure learning by rote really stimulates intelligence.

I understand that at some point in one’s education one needs to cram some things but should cramming become a way of life? Why do we have a lot of people study one thing in school and come out to work in a completely different field? Whilst i understand that some people were forced to study some courses by their parents when their passions laid elsewhere, i believe a lot more are doing other things other than what they studied because they do not know what they went to school to study

How many of us remember classmates in primary school who could recite ‘Ade, our Naughty Little Brother’ but could not point to the word ‘naughty’ when asked to by the teacher. How many of us remember cramming mathematical formulae just before the exam and then finding out that we couldn’t use them because we really didn’t understand the application of such formulae to real life problems?

I studied Agric Economics in the University but believe me, i can’t grow or manage your Mama’s garden. Inspite of stabbing 80% of my classes in school, i still finished with a strong 2:1[you always hear that from 1st class wannabes]. My point is i didn’t have to understand so much when i could cram. My God! Was i good at cramming!! Unfortunately i didn’t realise my folly until much later.

Now i know learning should be about observation, thinking and problem solving. Education should be about developing young minds to learn how to think and apply themselves to problem solving.

Some have argued that our erstwhile masters, the british, perpetrated this learning technique so we wouldn’t learn to problem solve but depend on them continually for everything and thats why the Premier University in Nigeria, University of Ibadan, until recently, only had courses like Fine arts, French, Classics, Political Science & Literature.

Is this true? I do not know. But what i know is that we will do the next generation a greater injustice if we don’t take another look at our educational system and see what we can do to promote actual learning and understanding.

And we may not have to look so far for answers and models. My Ibo brothers seem to have forged a solution for us. An ibo boy may not be able to recite ‘two times two equals 4′ but he understands that =N=2 X =N=2 equals =N4.  And thats all we need.

Who are the most powerful people in Lagos? Landlords [or landladies] and their dogs!

If you lived in my kind of house, the land lady determined when you came home and when you left the house in the mornings. She decided when you parked your car in the compound, where you parked and sometimes, how you parked.

She can raise your house rent a few hours before its due and expect that you pay as at when due. Woe betides you if you buy a new car or change your ‘tokunboh’. That instantly translates to increased house rent and renewed ‘three stomach’ [eta inu].

In what ways do they show their power? Let’s look at household appliances. The size of your landlord’s generator sometimes determines the size of the generator you can buy. If your landlord uses a smaller generator than the one you just bought, my guess is that a few days down the line, you will get a letter from her solicitors or agents that your generator is constituting a public nuisance and making life unbearable for the other tenants in the house [who didn’t complain to him anyways].

If you have a gas cooker when your landlord or landlady uses a kerosene stove, then you are brewing trouble. You were ‘advised’ [warned] severally, most times, unsolicited, of the dangers of using a gas stove.

When do landlords show their power the most? When the rent is due? Hell no! Environmental Sanitation Days? Yeah!

Mama, my landlady, usually wakes up at 6.30a.m on sanitation days and goes round all the flats in the house, banging loudly on the doors and shouting the tenants’ names, yelling out our first names as if she was there when we were christened [she doesn’t even consider calling us by Baba something, as we Yorubas respectfully do].

And what happens when Mama shouts your name? Rover, her dog and companion also barks out your name! Yes she does!! When Mama goes; Gbenga! Rover goes whoof whoof, as if saying if you don’t come out now, your ass is mine.

Rover is a different kettle of fish. Thanks to Rover, no visitors can come to my house without advance notice, save for a few hard friends that I have. Nobody from my in-laws come to my house these days. Rover has successfully chased them away.

To compound our woes, Rover now has 4 ‘roverlettes’. The entire house now looks and smells like a dog house. Rover and the dog pound decide where we put our trash bins, where we leave our clothes out to dry and sadly also how we walk in the house. God help you if you rushed out of your door in the morning without looking very well. You stepped on dog shite and took it along with you, under your soles all day. Imagine going around all day smelling of shite without knowing where the smell is coming from. Who says your landlord’s dog is not your landlord?

Anyone who went to driving school, whether the proper ‘AA’ types or ‘the Uncle Ladi’International Driving School types [even if all Uncle Ladi had was a beat- up beetle], soon realized that the driving and traffic codes that rule the streets of Lagos are at a parallel to all the codes they were taught in these schools.

On the streets of Lagos, Danfo drivers, okada riders & sometimes policemen are the authors and creators of our unique driving codes. And you had better learn and understand these codes if you and your vehicle really want to survive these mean streets.

One of the most important lessons you must learn is interpreting the different honk sounds road users make with their horns. People have devised several uses for their car horns. A honk sound could be used to get a fellow road user’s attention, warn an okada rider, greet a friend or even entertain oneself when caught up in any of Lagos’ traffic jams.

On the streets of Lagos, a single honk sound could mean ‘watch out’, ‘you have my permission to move onto my side of the road’ or ‘move faster’.

 Double honk sound could mean ‘hello’, ‘be careful’ ‘check your tires’ or ‘your fuel tank is leaking’. The prolonged, uninterrupted single honk is the most dangerous one. If you don’t know what any other honk sound means, please learn this one. It could save your life.  It simply means: “I am dangerous, ready-to die, senseless, ready to bash your car and mine,  so please don’t get in my way”. Amazingly, you will find that the driver issuing this ‘warning’ is still about 40meters away, but he doesn’t care. He is the king of the road, he has right of way and he wants you to get that fact through your thick skull, in case you didn’t know.

People also use their horns to intimidate other road users. The worst culprits? Truck drivers! Have you ever been in front of a speeding truck, with the horns blaring down at you? This situation is especially bad for learners. Your first reaction was always to get out of harm’s way. You couldn’t care less who or what was coming on the other lane. You just wanted to get out of the mad driver’s way and save your life. As if to add salt to injury, when the truck overtakes you, you find some lovely quote written boldly on the back: ‘The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth’. Which earth?

The other day I was in traffic on Adelabu Street, in Surulere, and this ‘Oko Ashewo’ [Taxi driver] driving directly behind me kept pressing his car horns [the double honk] at very short intervals and I really didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. I kept checking my dashboard to see if my car was malfunctioning in any way, but I didn’t notice anything. Eventually, it occurred to me that the reason he was honking was for me to get the hell out of his way. But I really didn’t understand what he wanted me to do or how he wanted me to do that.

Another key lesson you must learn is facial expressions.

An angry scowl means ‘don’t you dare’ A sweet smile could mean ‘am in no hurry to go home to that woman, please move into my lane’ But it could also mean, ‘I am in a great mood today’ Don’t be surprised if you met the same person, at the same spot a few days later and get the angry scowl instead. This time it means ‘am not in the mood, buzz off’.

The funniest expression is the blank, front facing one. He is not looking at you; he doesn’t even want to consider your request. It will do you well to just let him go.

What about head lamps? A double flash of the headlamp could mean either of two things: ‘I ain’t stopping’ or ‘I will stop, please go on’. Sometimes it takes a lot of experience on Lagos roads to decipher that. It also takes guts to decide what to do. Other factors that may affect your interpretation will be how old or new your car or that of the other road user is.

 And if you think all these lessons are not important, wait until a danfo driver [with no trafficators] crashes into your car from the sides. You will be amazed that he will threaten to take you to court on account that he trafficated with him arm [albeit, at very short notice] and you didn’t stop. Don’t be surprised if he also remains in his danfo, with that same arm still jutting out of the window, waiting for traffic officers to come see his evidence.  Arm trafficating? Well, that’s in Lagos Driving 202

I was sitting on my car on Christmas day around mid day, outside my house, when i saw these two brothers, about 8 -10 years of age, infact they looked more like twins. But it wasn’t really their physical resemblance that caught my attention. It was their clothes. They were both in oversized jeans pants folded two or three times on their oversized shoes. Their T shirts were ‘G- Unit’ branded and, on them, they looked more like kaftans reaching far below the knees.

I couldn’t help but smile at them cos that was me and my brother 20 something odd years ago. Gosh! Did i hate baambes!! Iya Segun, my Mum, was the ‘baambe’ expert. Everything had to be baambe- from school uniforms and cortinas to christmas shoes and pyjamases. You always had to grow into your clothes. The funny thing was that by the time you were big enough for the clothes to really fit and look good on you, they were already faded and worn thin.

I am sure a lot of people who grew up in middle class Nigeria in the 80s and 90s can identify with me on this issue. How many times did u go for a classmate’s birthday party looking like you borrowed your elder brother’s clothes? Ofcourse, Maami always had justification for every piece of baambe she bought and forced us to wear. Everything had to make economic sense.

Our parents must have thought we had no fashion sense. As far as they were concerned, they were clothing us and we should be grateful. Maami never failed to remind us that many children go around in rags yet we complain because we got oversized clothes. Not that we were not thankful but we would have been more grateful if the clothes fitted properly.

What about hand- me- downs? God help you if you had a simbling, of same sex, just a few years older than you. You lived your childhood wearing his old clothes, reading his old books, carrying his old school bags…

A thought just flashed through my mind right now. Could this explain why i hate everything ‘tokunboh’ now? Maybe? Just a thought.

 Anyways, imagine my shock and indignation the other day when i saw my wife folding my son’s pants in double layers on his shoes. The poor woman was so shocked at my outburst and didn’t understand why i was reacting so aggressively cos of a few folds. If only she knew. No child of mine will wear baabe, not if i can help it!

Hi guys, welcome to my blog.

Am sure most of you are wondering why the name ablackjamesbond.com

Well, stay tuned and i will fill you in, very soon