Have you ever wondered about the urge some people have to deface toilet doors? Most public toilets I have been in, be it offices, malls, schools or stadiums all have the strangest messages and writings on their doors. Why do people suddenly become creative and expressive in the loo?

Is it because they know they can do so without being caught? Or is it because they think such thoughts can only be expressed in a toilet?

Some might say it is because people get ‘creative’ when they are in the toilet but how come you only find this creativity expressed in public toilets? Are people not creative when they are in their homes or other people’s homes?

To be honest though, some of these toilet artists, poets and advertisers have cracked me up a few times.

Came across one hilarious line recently:

Some come here to sit and wonder; I came here to shit like thunder

Who writes such thoughts? Some thoughts, even when they cross one’s mind should never be ‘documented’.

Some job seekers think the toilet is the best place to submit their resume. They go like:

My name is Adamu Opeyemi Okoro, I am a graduate of XYZ University. I have been looking for a job for a loooooooooooooong time. Please help me. Call me on 08000000000.

This approach might have worked for someone in the past, although I doubt it, but I know companies and head hunters look in other places for prospects.

Some messages advertise the sexual prowess and endowments of their creators.

One guy [I am assuming it was a guy] actually wrote something like this:

If you want sweet loving and fancy a shag from someone who has the right tool and skill, please call this number 0800000000.

Can you imagine?

Some even go to the extent of doing a bit of social crusading; I have seen messages on the perils of HIV, some others warning people about the health hazards of smoking etc. So, not all of the messages are bad just that I wonder why they have to be on toilet doors! I mean, if you have something to say, start a blog, join facebook, tweet and share your thoughts on myspace or something. Why deface a public property? Why share a platform with people who do not value other people’s property?

Read two messages on a toilet door recently. The first, obviously by a ‘social crusader’ read:

DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE

The second, placed beside the first but much bigger, written by someone whose ‘eyes don doti’, read;

DRINK, THEN DRIVE

How does that help the message of our ‘social crusader’?

The message that really irked me and possibly inspired this post is one I saw right after reading a mail from my client in which he politely told me why he couldn’t approve a proposal my company had been pushing for a while.

It read; TOUGH TIMES NEVER LAST BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO.  Apt yes, but not what I wanted to read at that point in time.

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 Nigeria is 25.The odds we did survive.Arise salute the Nation .Come join the celebration The people united will never fallThe sun will shine and the rain will fall

On our land …… [Fill in the blank spaces]

Richly blessed by the Almighty

……………………………..[cant remember the rest]

I woke up this morning with that song on my lips.

I am sorry if I got some of the lyrics wrong and for not finishing it. Forgive me. I was only 9years old when I learnt and sang that song.

 But I wasn’t the only one who loved that song. At that time, it appeared the entire nation knew the song.

The year was 1985. Nigeria was 25.

I remember Independence Day celebrations meant something back then. The whole country participated in them. Students, Civil servants, the private sector… everyone. As a student, it was a big honor if you were chosen to represent your school on the Independence Day Parade. It was a big deal.

The year 1985 was special, more so because it was our Silver Jubilee. We had survived 25 years, together, as a nation. It was worth celebrating!

 

That song reflected our past, mirrored our present and projected our aspirations for the future. And we all loved it. We were all happy. At least that’s what I felt. 

Perhaps I saw things from the perspective of a nine year old, shielded from the realities of life by loving and caring parents. In my mind’s eye, everything was great. Things were not perfect, but I was convinced they couldn’t get worse.

My father told me so. All the elders reaffirmed the same thing. My teachers said things were going to be better than they were. That they were working hard to make things better for us, the leaders of tomorrow.

That was their promise.

And I believed them as a child would, completely.

23 years after that, things have gone worse. Unbelievably so. The hopes of a child, dashed, completely.

What went wrong? How did this happen?

We were a nation heading for greatness; a people destined for prominence in the world.

Instead we have become a failed promise; an aborted destiny. An example of what could have been.

My heart weeps for this country of my birth; this land that I love so much.

Every time I look at my son, I make him a promise in my heart. The same promise that my father and his generation made to me years ago. They failed on their promise. I wonder if my generation will do any better.

Can we give our children a promissory note today, redeemable sometime in the future, their future, in happiness, pride in the fatherland, prosperity and wealth?

 

I have decided, I will give it my best shot. I will not fail them. But I know I can’t do it alone. It’s a promise too big for one individual to deliver on.

Therefore I am asking all like minded people out there to share this burden with me. Let’s make a difference in our lives; in our areas of influence. Let’s lift up our country together. Let’s be great again.

One more thing though, can we also pray together on this? It’s a simple prayer we are all familiar with. We all learnt it as children. It will only take a few minutes.

Arise, O compatriots, Nigeria’s call obey
To serve our fatherland
With love and strength and faith
The labor of our heroes past
Shall never be in vain
To serve with heart and might
One nation bound in freedom, peace and
unity.

Oh God of creation, direct our noble cause
Guide our leaders right
Help our youth the truth to know
In love and honesty to grow
And living just and true
Great lofty heights attain
To build a nation where peace and justice
shall reign.

 

Thank you.

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 Afrojuju, yeah! That’s what it was called. It took the entire nation by storm. Every where you went, it was dancing time, the Shina Peters way! Sir Shina Peters had arrived.

No one saw it coming. Just before he burst on the scene, we [at least westerners in the south west] were all crazy about Fuji Garbage by Barrister. When we discovered afrojuju, we left the garbage where it belonged… the bin of history.

Between 1989, when Shina Peters came out with chart bursting ‘Ace’ and 1993, when he had, in my opinion his last hit album, ‘Mr. President’, Shinamania swept across the nation like wild fire.

Children loved him. Women couldn’t have enough of him and the men; they just couldn’t stop moving to his rhythm. We all danced. We bopped our shoulders, right and left, rhythmically, doing Ijo Shina.

Shina’s brand of Afrojuju was new. It was innovative, fast, danceable and revolutionary. Before Ace, we had not heard juju music played that way. It was music that transcended age, sex, creed, tribe and language. Hausas loved Shina Peters. The Ibos adored him and the Yorubas were proud he was one of their own. But Shina belonged to all of us at the time.

He sang in Igbo. Serenaded us in Hausa and crooned to us in Yoruba. Whenever he could, he also tried to sing in English although that language was not his strong point. He tried anyway.

And it was as if SSP knew he had a good product. A significant part of the ‘Ace’ album was dedicated to him thanking us for wanting to dance to Afrojuju. Somehow, he expected the album was going to be a monster hit. And it was. From then on, there was no stopping him.

 

He consolidated with Shinamania, his second hit album and riveted his superstar status forever into our memories when he released Dancing tyme. Against all expectations, Dancing tyme was also a hit, silencing his critics once and for all.

SSP sang about everything. He sang about politics, he spoke up for women; he sang both gospel music and not so gospel music.  Whatever he sang, we loved.

He also introduced us to all the young money men of that time. Most of us heard about Femi Otedola and his group of friends for the first time on SSP albums.

Every show promoter wanted SSP in their concerts. His face alone on a poster was sufficient to sell out shows and no party was groovy until we danced to Afrojuju.

Like every true innovation and success story, afrojuju also spawned a lot of counterfeits and wannabes. Many people wanted to be like Shina. But hard as they tried, none of them could reenact SSP’s charm and appeal. Shina Peters was untouchable.

But Shina Peters was also a realist; he knew that nothing lasted forever. He even sang about it. I remember he said

‘Oba mewa, Igba mewa loni ile aiye, enikan o’ le lo’le aiye gbo’;

This paraphrased means

‘Kingdoms come and kingdoms go, nothing is permanent’.

He knew he wasn’t going to be everyone’s favorite forever. But whilst he was, he took his opportunity, gave it his best and enjoyed himself to the fullest. And we are all grateful he did.

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Dakuwa or Donkwa [as we southerners call it] is a Northern Nigerian delicacy made from groundnut or peanut. It is ground groundnut [with some dry pepper] cemented together with a little water and oil into tasty balls of snacking pleasure. 

 

I couldn’t get enough of donkwa and kuli-kuli as a child. I also remember kokoro, asala, robo, baba dudu and many other local snacks that children stole for. But I hardly see these things around now. What happened to them all? Anyways that’s gist for another time.

 

Now back to the issue at hand. A few months ago I was shopping at a supermarket when I came across peanut butter in the breakfast foods segment. Having heard the name several times on TV, [yes, I had peanut butter for the first time last year and didn’t see ‘Sounds of Music’ till I was 30, so what?]I decided it was time I tasted and found out why Americans were so crazy about it. Imagine my shock when I found out peanut butter tasted exactly like my donkwa and believe me I know what donkwa tastes like, I had too much as a child not to remember. I stand to be corrected but as far as I am concerned, Peanut butter is fundamentally the same as Donkwa, maybe a little more pasty. What’s the difference? Peanut butter is simply donkwa ‘pimped up’.  

 

To pimp up is to add attitude. Some call this attitude packaging. Others call it presentation. But whatever name you called it, it don’t matter, it is the reason you paid a certain amount for Donkwa and almost 10 times that for peanut butter of the same quantity.

 

And attitude comes in different forms and definitions. Sometimes it is in the name but it is also expressed in packaging, and defined by location. It amplifies by association and renews across geographical boundaries. Attitude usually confers a higher value on whatever or whoever it is bestowed.

 

Let me give you a few examples:

 

Pounded Yam was ‘pimped up’ as Poundo Yam. Some might argue that it doesn’t taste like the real thing but it sure commands a higher value, relatively.

   

If that is not convincing enough, let’s look at some more pimping. Semovita. What does semovita and tuwo have in common? They are fundamentally the same but one commands more =N= per unit measure than the other. Why? Pimping of course!

 

Why would I expect a processed and packaged product to command the same value as one that it not processed and packaged you might ask? Thank you. I am glad you asked.

 

While I agree with you that processing, packaging and pimping cost money which is usually passed on to the end consumer, however, not all pimping costs money. Sometimes all you need is some creativity and originality.

 

A case in point; I know a Joint [Restaurant & Bar] where a plate of peppered gizzard and stockfish sells at a much higher premium than the same thing sold at another joint of similar status in the same location for the simple reason that the former call theirs ‘Sisi Eko’ while the latter just say ‘Peppered Gizzard and Stock Fish ’..

 

To call a plate of gizzard and stockfish Sisi Eko did not cost money but it took some bodacious ingenuity and creativity. Now that’s what I am talking about. That’s serious pimping.

 

Also consider this. Which of these foods would you consider buying at a premium?

 Smoked salmon with savory red beans and rice OR Rice ati Ewa alasepo with Eja Kika.Roasted turkey with old fashioned bread stuffing & beans OR Agege Bread and beans with roasted turkey.  

Yam flower cake served with whipped jute leaves and peeled beans soup OR Abula

 My guess is if you are based in Nigeria, you are most likely to pay more for the dishes on the left, even though they are the same as the ones on the right [you probably will not know until your order arrives]. All hail the powers of pimping.

Pimping / Attitude /Presentation may one day transform shepe to shepz & zobo to zobomalt and it may never.  One thing is sure though, if you step-change your game[whatever that may be] , take it a notch higher, repackage it, re-present it, spice it up with a little attitude, you are most likely going to get more value for it.  

As for me, I am pimped up as ‘ablackjamesbond’ and this is just the beginning. You probably wouldn’t be reading this blog post if I had used my real names. Imagine me using Ba….aah! You really didn’t think I was going to reveal them, did you?

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I woke up this morning feeling very thankful to God. And i have a lot to be thankful to God for, and its not because its Friday [although, I thank God its Friday]. Lying next to me is my lovely wife, her bossom heaving gently, up and down, in peaceful slumber.A few meters away laid my son, cherubic in his sleep.

How did i get to be so lucky? No, thats not the right word. Blessed, Yeah! Thats the right word.
We even have ‘light’ this morning. Another reason to be grateful to God. At least i get to have my bath with hot water this morning.

Have you ever taken time out to thank God for hot water? Imagine what cold mornings would be like without hot water.

If you can’t, try cold tea or coffee on a cold morning. What about cold water on a hot sunny day? I bless God for refrigeration almost everyday.God bless the man who invented Fridges and Freezers! Imagine soaking garri on a hot afternoon without cold water or like we say in this part of the world-water that has served time [omi to sewon]

I am thankful for my home, my house [even with my landlady and her dogs], my neighbours, my car, my job, my siblings,my parents, my friends, our ‘Lagos’, her traffic situation…
i am just thankful and grateful to be alive this morning.

Sometimes we all get so engrossed in our pursuit of things that we forget the things that are really important.

We think the things we don’t have now will make us happy when we eventually have them. But we soon find out after we get those things that we need to get more things to make us truly happy.But if we look around us, we will see that the things that we really need to make us happy are already there, with us. We forget that true happiness is not a function ‘possessions’.

Infact, i learned that some of the saddest people on earth are some of the world’s richest. Don’t get it twisted though. I am not saying having a lot of money means you can’t be happy but if you can’t be happy with the little you have now, its likely you won’t be happy with a whole lot more.

Am i sounding preachy and philosophical? Thats not the intention. I just want to thank God this morning. I am counting my blessings, naming them one by one…

Thank God for Rover [my Landlady’s dog], she teaches me patience and long suffering.
Thank God for my son. Fatherhood is a wonderful and joyful experience.
Thank God for marriage. Two are definitely better than one.

What do you have to be thankful for this morning? Please don’t say nothing. If you are reading this it means you are still alive. Be grateful for life. Be grateful for your breath. Things may not be as you want them now but i am sure, and i mean sure that everything will be alright at the end.

Like a very good friend of mine usually says, ‘everything will be alright at the end, if its not alright, its not the end’. Wait a minute, what the hell does that mean?

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