Richard’s Battles (The Dream)

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Richard woke up scared, panting as though he had just finished a hundred metres dash. His shirt was soaked wet. The part of the bed where he laid was also soaked. For a moment, he wasn’t quite sure where he was. The dream, if he could call it that, was both scary and confusing, at the same time. Many would call it a nightmare, but he knew this was more than just a bad dream. It was a message, a vision of some sorts but he wasn’t quite sure how he should deal with it.

He looked around and saw he was in his room at school, thankfully. He could still make out the furniture in the room, even in the darkness. It was easy. The room was sparsely furnished. The reading table and chair, the wardrobe and the bed, from which he just woke, were all the furniture he needed. Unlike the other students in his dorm who had furniture and electronic gadgets that could be considered respectable in many middle and upper income circles, Richard’s room paled in comparison, although many of them knew he came from a home that could afford to provide him with all the gadgets he needed. Why he picked this Spartan existence baffled a lot of them.

But Richard was pleased with his lifestyle. It was a way of life he chose out of knowledge & out of deep need. Not the type of need that drives people these days, accursed with a fast food mentality, moving from one crusade ground to another, looking for the next spiritual celebrity and hoping for a microwaved breakthrough, but discontinuing their pursuit when the breakthrough is seemingly deferred. His was a need borne out of the poverty of the soul.

Before he became born again, his life had been about the next shag. He was such an impassioned ‘player’. All he thought about was where the next shag was going to come from. And he shagged everything. Fat, thin, short, tall…any available shag would do. But after a while he began to feel as though his life’s essence was being drained away as he shagged. Ecstasy soon gave way to guilt and bliss was replaced with emptiness. It was at that point he concluded he needed something deeper. He realized sex couldn’t feel the void he felt in his heart. It was at that point in his life that he met God and started his own spiritual odyssey.

And now, alone in his room, confused and afraid at the same time, he wondered what link, if any, his antecedents had with the dream he just had. He was still trying to make sense of the dream when it occurred to him that he needed to quickly write it down so as not to lose any of the vital details although he doubted if he could ever forget any part of that dream- it seemed so real!

He was in a dark wet and dingy tunnel, filled with all kinds of despicable things, both living and dead. He wondered how he had gotten into the tunnel in the first place. He felt dirty and grimaced at the level of decadence in the tunnel. He groped for the wall, hoping to steady himself against the tide of ‘death’ flowing at his feet, pushing him far back into the tunnel, against his will and away from the light he could see at the other end of the tunnel. But he quickly removed his hand from the wall when his fingers touched something cold and slimy. He knew he had to get out fast. The smell oozing from the walls was threatening to choke him to death and he knew if he didn’t run out quickly enough he could be swept away far into the tunnel by the rampaging waters below.

As he tried to run towards the light, he felt ‘hands’ pulling at him and drawing him down towards the waters. These were not human hands. They felt more like snakes and an octopus’ appendages. They came at him from all directions, pulling him down with a strength that was inhuman. Just as he was about to give up and succumb to them, he felt a surge of strength from within himself and he broke free from their shackles in a manner not dissimilar from what he had seen Clark Kent do on so many occasions when fettered with the strongest of all restraints.

He began to run towards the light again. He was free. He could almost see the end of the tunnel now. The light looked wonderful and beckoned to him to keep running. But just as he was about to reach the light he began to feel a different kind of sensation. This was not as cold and aggressive as the appendages that threatened to pull him down just a few moments ago. This sensation was soft, warm and sensual. It felt like a woman’s bosom and he could feel it all around him. He was still running but he began to slow down. Before long, his run dawdled into a walk until he stopped altogether. He didn’t feel a need to run towards the light anymore. What he was feeling wasn’t bad at all. In fact he liked it. All of a sudden, the filth and dinginess of the tunnel didn’t matter anymore. Before he knew what was happening, he was back at the point where he started from and now the sensual feelings had stopped, replaced by the more aggressive and dangerous appendages. They dragged him down and just as the tide of death was about to wash him into oblivion, he woke up.

The only interpretation that made sense to him was that the dream represented the struggles he would face in his spiritual passage. The tunnel represented life; the snake- like appendages are the battles the devil will throw at him to keep him down enough for the other worries of the world, represented by the tide of death, to wash him far away from his chosen path. But it was the sensual sensation that bothered him. He had a feeling it meant that he was going to have struggles with the opposite sex and fail. But how could this be?

His last shag had been 3 years ago, just before he surrendered his life to Jesus. And since then he had stayed on the strait and narrow path. He had not even thought about having sex all this while. This dream would have made sense if he was still having struggles with sex. But he wasn’t. He remembered some sister in his fellowship saying she respected the fact that he could be amongst so many ladies in his department [the choreography department] in the fellowship and not feel tempted. To him it was not a big deal.

He then concluded that the dream must be a clever machination of the devil designed to distract him and sow some fear and doubts in his mind. The Lord had kept him thus far and he was confident that He who had begun a good work in him would perfect it.

He knelt down beside his bed and said a short prayer before going back to bed unbeknownst to him that the dream would come to haunt him again, two years later.

Shinamania

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Afrojuju, yeah! That’s what it was called. It took the entire nation by storm. Every where you went, it was dancing time, the Shina Peters way! Sir Shina Peters had arrived.

No one saw it coming. Just before he burst on the scene, we [at least westerners in the south west] were all crazy about Fuji Garbage by Barrister. When we discovered afrojuju, we left the garbage where it belonged… the bin of history.

Between 1989, when Shina Peters came out with chart bursting ‘Ace’ and 1993, when he had, in my opinion his last hit album, ‘Mr. President’, Shinamania swept across the nation like wild fire.

Children loved him. Women couldn’t have enough of him and the men; they just couldn’t stop moving to his rhythm. We all danced. We bopped our shoulders, right and left, rhythmically, doing Ijo Shina.

Shina’s brand of Afrojuju was new. It was innovative, fast, danceable and revolutionary. Before Ace, we had not heard juju music played that way. It was music that transcended age, sex, creed, tribe and language. Hausas loved Shina Peters. The Ibos adored him and the Yorubas were proud he was one of their own. But Shina belonged to all of us at that time.

He sang in Igbo. Serenaded us in Hausa and crooned to us in Yoruba. Whenever he could, he also tried to sing in English although that language was not his strong point. He tried anyway.

And it was as if SSP knew he had a good product. A significant part of the ‘Ace’ album was dedicated to him thanking us for wanting to dance to Afrojuju. Somehow, he expected the album was going to be a monster hit. And it was. From then on, there was no stopping him.

He consolidated with Shinamania, his second hit album and riveted his superstar status forever into our memories when he released Dancing tyme. Against all expectations, Dancing tyme was also a hit, silencing his critics once and for all.

SSP sang about everything. He sang about politics, he spoke up for women; he sang both gospel music and not so godly music at times, ok, he used raunchy lyrics a lot of times.
He also introduced us to all the young money men of that time. Most of us heard about Femi Otedola and his group of friends for the first time on SSP albums.

Every show promoter wanted SSP in their concerts. His face alone on a poster was sufficient to sell out shows and no party was groovy until we danced to Afrojuju.

Like every true innovation and success story, afrojuju also spawned a lot of counterfeits and wannabes. Many people wanted to be like Shina. But hard as they tried, none of them could reenact SSP’s charm and appeal. Shina Peters was untouchable.

But Shina Peters was also a realist; he knew that nothing lasted forever. He even sang about it. I remember he said
‘Oba me wa, Igba mewa loni ile aiye, enikan o le lo’le aiye gbo’;
This paraphrased means
‘Kingdoms come and kingdoms go, nothing is permanent’.

He knew he wasn’t going to be everyone’s favorite forever. But whilst he was, he took his opportunity, gave it his best and enjoyed himself to the fullest. And we are all grateful he did.

For Your Eyes Only

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You! Yes You!!

I know you

You act as my friend when I am around

And defame me on your gossip rounds

You call me names and then buy me sweet dates

But when I eat them your bitterness is all I taste

Why wear envy like an accessory?

Why say I took your glory?

He doesn’t deserve it, is what you say

You are about to find out that backbiting does not pay

Amanda

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When we met, I lived in a house with painted floors

While you lived in an apartment with Sliding doors

Yours were the first sliding doors I ever saw

You would come out of your apartment everyday at 4p.m

You would be quiet at first but once you started talking, you didn’t stop till 10p.m

We had so much fun together

Our time interrupted only so I could eat my ewa.

My Mum said the legume would make me grow taller

In the end, it only made my visits to the loo longer

 

As I grew older, the bond between us grew stronger

You taught me so much.

You took me places and through you I met different faces

How can I ever forget Sesame Street?

There, learning was a treat

That’s where you took me so I could learn to speak English,

Far beyond the level of Araromi Street.

 

You also took me places I shouldn’t have gone to

But thinking about it now, I wonder, who would I have turned to

When the girl next door came calling

 

For this reason and more, some called you evil

But to me, you were simply magical.

You showed me the world in a different light

Through you I met many cool role models and super heroes;

Spotting abilities that made others look like minnows

With the exception of my Daddy of course. My Daddy could take them all.

Or so I thought

My father wanted me to be a doctor, but the more time I spent with you,

The more I knew the only thing I wanted to be was Spiderman.

But that didn’t last for long coz after that I wanted to be a fireman,

Then a policeman, until I realized I was no Superman

Who would have thought I would end up behind a desk

Life happens! I said

 

These days our time together have become scheduled

But still you never fail to excite me

Last night you told me about a man throwing shoes at another man

It was funny. But it was also sad.

It made me contemplate how quickly relationships can change

How quickly one can fall from grace to grass

 

But that’s not the only relationship I am contemplating this morning

Ours is one that has changed so much over the years too

Whilst I have moved from my house with painted floors to one with gated doors

You have also moved from behind sliding doors to painted walls

Back in the days, stay a few more hours, I used to pray

These days you are always ready to play.

Now we hardly spend time together,

if it’s not Work,

Then it’s NEPA,

And whenever I put on my generator, so we could spend some quality time together,

Your newest friend in my house starts to SCREAM:

I want to watch Ben 10!

You seem to enjoy spending more time with him than me,

But I don’t mind.

I ape you not

I know what wonderful adventures lay ahead of him

But I am afraid even that relationship will not be rosy forever

Girls, Parents, School, Work and later, Life, will come between you and him

But you will survive

And so will him.

All Dogs go to Heaven!

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Yeah Right!

I have known a few dogs in my life and am sure not all of them are in heaven now or will make it to heaven when they die. Some will. But most won’t.

Let me play God for a few minutes. Let’s assume I get to decide where some of the dogs I will be profiling below will end up?

Ringo

This dog, in my opinion, is the best pet I ever had. He was my first dog. He was friendly, loyal and smart but not smart enough to avoid eating other’s people’s fish. This love for fish eventually led to his demise. But apart from that Ringo was a cool companion; a good friend, great ball player and a favorite amongst female dogs. He was a playa. Everyone loved him, except Iya Bose, my neighbor, whose fish he always ate without permission.

If I were God, Ringo would definitely make it to heaven. His good deeds far outweigh his shenanigans.

Jango

This is the dog my mother bought for me when Ringo ran away after eating Iya Bose’s fish. Jango was a good for nothing dog. He was dirty, lazy, unfriendly and dumb & it didn’t help that Jango had very huge shoes to fill [Ringo’s]. Jango was one of those dogs that were never satisfied until they ate from the gutter, even if they just got served a gourmet dog meal by their owners. As if that was not bad enough, Jango was never satisfied with ‘eating out’. He always brought home ‘takeaway’- his specialty was dead rats. Yuk!

Jango died from food poisoning. No one mourned him. He had left no pawprints on the sands of time. He also died a virgin.

Jango will definitely not make it to my heaven. Don’t want any dog dragging dead rats on my streets of gold. Naaaaaaaaah!

Bruno

Crazy dog he was. Had respect for no one; terrorized both old and young in the neighborhood. I knew his days were numbered when he started going after people’s poultry animals. He had a thing for fully grown hens. Something about their matured meat must have appealed to his canine cravings. When Alfa Baba, one of the most respected Alfas in the area announced that his hen was missing one morning, I had a feeling Bruno was behind it and knew that his long-throat had finally caught up with him.

You see, Alfa Baba was one of those men that one found difficult to define. He was a devout Muslim but one might mistake him for a spiritualist and herbalist by the way he carried about his business and the things he did. You could see him drying out dead rats one day while buying agama lizards from the neighborhood kids for his many concoctions the next.

When Bruno stopped eating altogether and started losing weight drastically, we knew the end for him had come. We didn’t bother to find out what was happening to him or who was responsible for it. We all knew.

Bruno will most definitely not make it to my heaven. I can’t trust him with all those swans swimming in the river that flows within the city ofGod.

Jack & Husky

We got this pair a week apart from each other. Jack came first. She was a gift from one of my Mum’s friends. She was cute, hairy and looked more like a terrier than a mongrel that she was. Husky we got from one of my friends whose dog had just had a litter.

My Mum wasn’t enthused with the idea of having two dogs in the house at the same time but she couldn’t bear to tell us to return Husky when we brought him home. Husky was a very lovely puppy. He grew up to be a fine dog too.

The two were perfect together. For Husky, it was love at first sight. He loved her from the first day he set eyes on her till the last day she ran out of his life, our lives. I loved her too and who wouldn’t? Jack was a cute dog. Friendly and very cuddly but she was too clever and full of cunning. When she did anything wrong, she approached you with her head bowed, her tail tucked between her legs, wagging, slightly, pleadingly and eyes half shut as if waiting for you to whack her on the head but knowing that you wouldn’t . When she reaches where you are, she crouches on the floor and turns her under side up for you to stroke. If you did that, she knew she was forgiven. If not, she cried and hoped that would get you. And it always worked. I really couldn’t bear to hurt her.

But Jack took advantage of my affections for her. She always did the wrong things. Left the house without permission, ate food not meant for her, came back home late and had no regards for Husky’s feelings. Seeing Jack ‘glued’ with some neighborhood male dog became a regular sight. She was a nasty bitch. No class whatsoever.

One day she ran away with one of her mates and never came back. Husky was heart broken for a long time after that. He became a recluse. He stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. I thought he was going to die but he survived. He was a top dawg. He weathered the storm, found another lover and fathered several puppies afterwards.

My verdict:

Husky am sure is in heaven right now…Jack will definitely not make it in there.

Rover and her four Puppies

Rover is my landlady’s dog. I had written about Rover and her roverlettes in an earlier post. Things haven’t improved since then though. In fact, no one visits me at home these days. One of my wife’s friends who kept faith with us and kept visiting despite Rover’s constant harassments stopped visiting when she got bit by Rover some weeks back.

I know where Rover will end up. I will most likely send her there myself. Nuff said!

Snoop Dogg [The Dogfather]

This is the coolest dawg ever. He is the greatest rapper of all time, at least in my own humble opinion and what he just did with ‘sensual seduction’ is just off the hook. I will definitely need his cool rhymes in my heaven. He’s my dog!

Woof! Woof!! Woof!!!

Dan Foster [The Big Dawg]

I love this dude. He cracks me up a lot. He will most definitely make my heaven. With him there, I am sure some of the Redeemed who are into rap and R’N’B would get to hear some really cool funkified gospocentrics on the ‘Good Morning Heaven Show’, on Rose of Sharon FM, which is WIP by the way.

I Am Back!

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Ok, so I have been away for a while, a long while actually, lost my mojo and couldnt write anything even if my life depended on it and then some guy hacked my blog and i am still wondering why anyone would hack my blog!
Anyways, this is my second attempt at blogging. For those who have been here before, you will see some of the old stories but I will sprinkle some new ones every now and then. For the new ones, I hope you will come someday, this blog is about an ordinary dude who loves to tell stories of his childhood, his life now and his experiences as a husband, father, son and sometimes as a M(Ad) man.
Finally, for the dude or dudes or people that hacked my blog the last time, there is really no fun in hacking this blog as you have found out. CNN will not report it! So if you want fame go hack the CIA or FBI database or something! All I am saying is PLEASE! Leave this blog alone!!