AblackJamesBond

Yeah Right!

 I have known a few dogs in my life and am sure not all of them are in heaven now or will make it to heaven when they die. Some will. But most won’t.

Let me play God for a few minutes. Let’s assume I get to decide where some of the dogs I will be profiling below will end up?

 Ringo

This dog, in my opinion, is the best pet I ever had.  He was my first dog. He was friendly, loyal and smart but not smart enough to avoid eating other’s people’s fish. This love for fish eventually led to his demise. But apart from that Ringo was a cool companion; a good friend, great ball player and a favorite amongst female dogs. He was a playa.  Everyone loved him, except Iya Bose, my neighbor, whose fish he always ate without permission.

 If I were God, Ringo would definitely make it to heaven. His good deeds far outweigh his shenanigans.

  Jango

 This is the dog my mother bought for me when Ringo ran away after eating Iya Bose’s fish. Jango was a good for nothing dog. He was dirty, lazy, unfriendly and dumb & it didn’t help that Jango had very huge shoes to fill [Ringo’s]. Jango was one of those dogs that were never satisfied until they ate from the gutter, even if they just got served a gourmet dog meal by their owners. As if that was not bad enough, Jango was never satisfied with ‘eating out’. He always brought home ‘takeaway’- his specialty was dead rats. Yuk!

 Jango died from food poisoning. No one mourned him. He had left no pawprints on the sands of time. He also died a virgin.

 Jango will definitely not make it to my heaven. Don’t want any dog dragging dead rats on my streets of gold. Naaaaaaaaah!

 Bruno

Crazy dog he was. Had respect for no one; terrorized both old and young in the neighborhood. I knew his days were numbered when he started going after people’s poultry animals. He had a thing for fully grown hens. Something about their matured meat must have appealed to his canine cravings. When Alfa Baba, one of the most respected Alfas in the area announced that his hen was missing one morning, I had a feeling Bruno was behind it and knew that his long-throat had finally caught up with him.

You see, Alfa Baba was one of those men that one found difficult to define. He was a devout Muslim but one might mistake him for a spiritualist and herbalist by the way he carried about his business and the things he did. You could see him drying out dead rats one day while buying agama lizards from the neighborhood kids for his many concoctions the next.

When Bruno stopped eating altogether and started losing weight drastically, we knew the end for him had come. We didn’t bother to find out what was happening to him or who was responsible for it. We all knew.

 Bruno will most definitely not make it to my heaven. I can’t trust him with all those swans swimming in the river that flows within the city ofGod. 

 Jack & Husky

 We got this pair a week apart from each other. Jack came first. She was a gift from one of my Mum’s friends. She was cute, hairy and looked more like a terrier than a mongrel that she was. Husky we got from one of my friends whose dog had just had a litter.

 My Mum wasn’t enthused with the idea of having two dogs in the house at the same time but she couldn’t bear to tell us to return Husky when we brought him home. Husky was a very lovely puppy. He grew up to be a fine dog too.

 The two were perfect together. For Husky, it was love at first sight. He loved her from the first day he set eyes on her till the last day she ran out of his life, our lives. I loved her too and who wouldn’t? Jack was a cute dog. Friendly and very cuddly but she was too clever and full of cunning. When she did anything wrong, she approached you with her head bowed, her tail tucked between her legs, wagging, slightly, pleadingly and eyes half shut as if waiting for you to whack her on the head but knowing that you wouldn’t . When she reaches where you are, she crouches on the floor and turns her under side up for you to stroke. If you did that, she knew she was forgiven. If not, she cried and hoped that would get you. And it always worked. I really couldn’t bear to hurt her.

 But Jack took advantage of my affections for her. She always did the wrong things. Left the house without permission, ate food not meant for her, came back home late and had no regards for Husky’s feelings. Seeing Jack ‘glued’ with some neighborhood male dog became a regular sight. She was a nasty bitch. No class whatsoever.

 One day she ran away with one of her mates and never came back. Husky was heart broken for a long time after that. He became a recluse. He stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. I thought he was going to die but he survived. He was a top dawg. He weathered the storm, found another lover and fathered several puppies afterwards.

My verdict:

 Husky am sure is in heaven right now…Jack will definitely not make it in there.

 Rover and her four Puppies

 Rover is my landlady’s dog. I had written about Rover and her roverlettes in an earlier post. Things haven’t improved since then though. In fact, no one visits me at home these days. One of my wife’s friends who kept faith with us and kept visiting despite Rover’s constant harassments stopped visiting when she got bit by Rover some weeks back.

 I know where Rover will end up. I will most likely send her there myself. Nuff said!

 Snoop Dogg [The Dogfather]

 This is the coolest dawg ever. He is the greatest rapper of all time, at least in my own humble opinion and what he just did with ‘sensual seduction’ is just off the hook. I will definitely need his cool rhymes in my heaven. He’s my dog!

Woof! Woof!! Woof!!!

 Dan Foster [The Big Dawg]

 I love this dude. He cracks me up a lot. He will most definitely make my heaven. With him there, I am sure some of the Redeemed who are into rap and R’N’B would get to hear some really cool funkified gospocentrics on the ‘Good Morning Heaven Show’, on Rose of Sharon FM, which is WIP by the way.